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Now that Seinfeld has long since aired its final episode about nothing, it would be a shame if matters of consequential insignificance such as re-gifting or double-dipping, or the back pockets on men's pants, went unexamined. Don't remember a Seinfeldian take on pockets?
I don't either, so allow me to step into the breach, or breeches, which was my intention when I dialed The Territory Ahead, a J. Petermanesque clothing catalog equally heavy on hyperventilating copy. Taboose Pass in early summer, your second hard day's hike, puts you well above timberline in a sea of green grass and wildflowers. Wildflowers or not, my eye landed on a pair of pants called Taboose Pull-Ons. 100 % cotton with a ridge texture and a finely weathered appearance.So far so good.
With twill tape draw cord, zip fly, quarter front pockets, and a button-through rear pocket.
Alert.
When I called the company, hoping for the best, I asked a simple question: What side is the rear pocket on?
The order taker had to look by checking a pair in a nearby sample room. The pocket's on the right side, she reported back.
Sorry, no sale.
I explained that I wear my wallet on the left side, unfailingly so. I've got a pair of perfectly good, something like 10-year-old pants hanging in my closet that haven't made it out of the dark in a decade. Why? Because the lone rear pocket is on the right side.Switch my wallet to the other side of my rump? Impossible. You might as well ask me to part my hair on the other side or switch from Jockeys to boxers.
I was about to hang up when I thought to ask The Territory Ahead salesperson if there was a reason the pocket was on the right side. It took a few minutes, but the answer that came back was this: The pocket's on the right side because more men are right handed than left handed.
After I hung up I realized something: I'm right handed.
I placed a call to the Fashion Institute of Technology and got Professor Alfred Arena, chairman of the menswear department on the line. If there's only one rear pocket on men's pants, I asked, on which side does it go? He said usually the right side (subsequent sidewalk observation seems to support this). And he provided the same rationale -- more righthanders than southpaws.
Was I out of step or was it the folks on the other end of all those unsewn bolts of fabric?Thus began my seat-of-the-pants research project. When I spoke with a friend on the phone or exchanged e-mail messages I slipped in a few questions: Are you right-handed or left-handed? On which side do you wear your wallet? And why?
My findings to date: Seven of 11 men (all right handed) keep their wallet in their left rear pocket. Three use the right pocket. Of these, one is left handed, and one shows some degree of ambidexterity (throws right, bats left). One guy reported he carries his wallet in a front pocket. Why? Because years ago his father told him never to carry a wallet in back; too easy for pickpockets.
In short, I think the clothing industry has got it ass-backwards. If my sample is correct, most men prefer to carry their wallet in the side opposite their dominant hand. Why? A friend supplied what sounds to me the likely explanation:"I carry my wallet on the left side. That way I take it out with my left hand and hold it in my left hand when I go to use it with my right."
I'd never thought about it, but that's exactly what I do. Could it be the clothing industry has picked the wrong pocket?
Walletgate? You heard it here first.About the Author: John Grossman is a freelance writer in Mountain Lakes, NJ. His work has appeared in Audubon, Air & Space, Cigar Aficionado, Geo, Inc., Health, The New York Times Magazine, Smithsonian, Sports Illustrated, among others. He has also served as an adjunct professor (magazine writing) at Fairleigh Dickinson University in Madison, NJ.